Maybe I never mentioned that I got an offer from Wesleyan University. Well, now you know; so there arises the problem.
Well first, I got into Barnard. I’ve mentioned that countless times due to the very reality that I’m ecstatic. I know: Wesleyan’s an awesome school too. I normally don’t look at rankings, but I am aware of its strong film department and ethnic diversity. I’m still doing my research, as I am with Barnard. This is, of course, the part when you figure out that I haven’t made that choice yet. There’s still roughly twenty days. I digress.
Since both Barnard and Wesleyan (and I suppose several other schools) have Class of 201_ Facebook groups, I’ve checked out both families. All is well, nothing to complain about. What I have been venting, though, is why did Wesleyan admit me? It’s a good school, and it’s hard to get in; I was pleasantly surprised that I got admitted when I checked the Decisions website on that Saturday morning. This is probably the first time this thought is going public; realistically, only one person knows I have this thought. (To the curious souls: it’s a boy who also got admitted to Wes this year who I’ve chatted with these two days…he shall remain anonymous)
I don’t know how reliable statistics are supposed to be, but Wes apparently has statistics available on its admissions page for Class of 2018. There’s no point in deconstructing everything, but it’s just to get an idea. I was just thinking that…considering some factors like my SAT scores and my current location, I didn’t exactly know how I was a good “fit” for Wesleyan. I’ve gotten in, and I’m happy. I’m surprised. I’m proud. But I’m sceptical: did I really deserve it? How — and why — did I get in?
That friend asked that one question and it’s still shaking me. “Are you doubting yourself? I don’t think you’re an impostor.”
I said no, I’m not doubting myself. If you’re reading this, I’m sorry I lied. I’m doubting myself, like how I always do. As I grew up, it became an obligation because there’s always room for improvement. I know college admissions are technically over, and the only thing in my control is to make the choice. I’m sure there’s supposed to be a reason for everything, even if it means that something is beyond my control. But now, I just can’t figure it out.
I guess I’ll just have to wait a little longer.