College Acceptance Scepticism

Maybe I never mentioned that I got an offer from Wesleyan University.  Well, now you know; so there arises the problem.

Well first, I got into Barnard.  I’ve mentioned that countless times due to the very reality that I’m ecstatic.  I know: Wesleyan’s an awesome school too.  I normally don’t look at rankings, but I am aware of its strong film department and ethnic diversity.  I’m still doing my research, as I am with Barnard.  This is, of course, the part when you figure out that I haven’t made that choice yet.  There’s still roughly twenty days.  I digress.

Since both Barnard and Wesleyan (and I suppose several other schools) have Class of 201_ Facebook groups, I’ve checked out both families.  All is well, nothing to complain about.  What I have been venting, though, is why did Wesleyan admit me?  It’s a good school, and it’s hard to get in; I was pleasantly surprised that I got admitted when I checked the Decisions website on that Saturday morning.  This is probably the first time this thought is going public; realistically, only one person knows I have this thought.  (To the curious souls: it’s a boy who also got admitted to Wes this year who I’ve chatted with these two days…he shall remain anonymous)

I don’t know how reliable statistics are supposed to be, but Wes apparently has statistics available on its admissions page for Class of 2018.  There’s no point in deconstructing everything, but it’s just to get an idea.  I was just thinking that…considering some factors like my SAT scores and my current location, I didn’t exactly know how I was a good “fit” for Wesleyan.  I’ve gotten in, and I’m happy.  I’m surprised.  I’m proud.  But I’m sceptical: did I really deserve it?  How — and why — did I get in?

That friend asked that one question and it’s still shaking me.  “Are you doubting yourself?  I don’t think you’re an impostor.”

I said no, I’m not doubting myself.  If you’re reading this, I’m sorry I lied.  I’m doubting myself, like how I always do.  As I grew up, it became an obligation because there’s always room for improvement.  I know college admissions are technically over, and the only thing in my control is to make the choice.  I’m sure there’s supposed to be a reason for everything, even if it means that something is beyond my control.  But now, I just can’t figure it out.

I guess I’ll just have to wait a little longer.

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2 thoughts on “College Acceptance Scepticism

  1. I think I might understand how you feel about the self-doubt. When I got a university offer I felt I didn’t deserve and I found out that very deserving candidates from our school didn’t…I was surprised, confused, wondering if the university had made a mistake. I still think the university made a mistake, because I’ve talked to someone at the university, and I’m nothing like her. I don’t think I’m quite what they were looking for.

    Anyways, one of the teachers at our school pointed out that many these university admissions people have been doing it for years. They have a lot of experience, and it’s unlikely they’d make a mistake (in fact, they’re more likely to err on the side of rejecting you, because of how competitive university entry is). So there must have been something Wesleyan saw in your application. Honestly, SAT scores aren’t everything, neither is location. If that’s all they cared about, they wouldn’t ask for essays and/or interviews. Whatever it was they saw in you, it was something they liked, and something that caused them to think that you’d do well in their university. As difficult as it may be to believe, you did deserve to get in. They wouldn’t have offered you the place if they didn’t think you deserved it.

    As for there being a reason for everything…sometimes yes, sometimes no… sometimes life just is. And sometimes you don’t need to have all the answers to move forward. Nobody ever really figures everything out. Sometimes people just take a giant leap of faith based on what they know, however little that may be.

  2. I remember reading a nice little thing somewhere by a college admissions person: “There might not be a single concrete reason for each declined applicant, but there is at least one great reason for every admitted one.”

    That was paraphrased, and it’s certainly lost power because the original was much more succinct and pithy, but you know.

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