Ever since mock exams have ended, I don’t know what to make of life. I swear, all I seem to do now is…I don’t even know. I’m in a trance. It’s only emptiness.
I’ve discussed this in an earlier post, but I don’t really know what is this situation supposed to be. I understand that my parents want me to take a break, but sometimes I don’t understand what that even means. Somehow, it’s like if I’m not studying, I’m just throwing my life away. I don’t really know what it is that I’m worried about…but I just keep obsessing about my exams. It’s like it’s not over.
Technically, it isn’t over yet. The actual IB exams are in May, so that gives me two more months of revision. But somehow, I’m just caught up with continually pushing myself to study more. Physically, I’m anywhere but the exam room; in my heart, in my head, I’ve never left that darn place.
This whole week I’ve pretty much done nothing productive. Funnily enough, my parents decided to take all my textbooks for the week in an attempt to let me get my mind off things. I appreciate it, but it’s somehow driving me nuts. I’m probably not going insane — I don’t really know how that’s psychologically possible. But life is like that one scene in The Shining, when the entire transcript says All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, over and over and over.
I just wonder what it’s supposed to mean to take a break. I know it’s suppose to help, but how would taking a break be taking a break when in my head, it’s probably not what I need or want?